TV or not TV?
It might be kind of hard to believe, but I did not see a television until after my third birthday. This was because we lived in places where there was no broadcast signal, or, when there was one, it only broadcast during the day.
I was a military brat. And we lived in places where things like 24-hour electricity, or clean water coming out of the tap were iffy at best. Batteries, candles and jerry-cans were normal. And that run-down sound that you sometimes hear in modern music? I heard that more often in real life than I care to admit. Records and tapes would not just stop, they’d slow down into silence, either faster or slower depending on if it was a brownout or a blackout. We always laughed- but we were kids.
I was nearly 10 before I saw a color television. It was a thing of wonder. We were glued to it. My grandmother would shoo the lot of us outside, but that TV was like a magnet, sucking us back in like moths to a flame.
I sincerely believe that not seeing television as a small child helped to shape me into the person I am today. True, I’m missing some of that cultural ‘glue’ that some say makes me “American”, but I like to think that what I got in its place made me more a global citizen.
A better “American Dream”
First, go read this. I’ll wait.
I never bought the “American Dream”. Maybe it was because I was a military kid, then a military member, and an outlier to boot. But I did watch the proliferation of big houses, big wages, and big cars as I clawed and scratched my way out of poverty. Then, I watched the same big cars, wages, and houses begin to vanish even as I scrimped, saved, and ignored all the ‘play now, pay later’ come-ons. All my scrimping, saving and delayed gratification finally payed off
I’ve made do with less for so long that it’s an un-breakable habit now. I chose a more modest home over the tons of empty McMansions begging for an occupant. I live within my means, but still find joy in small things- like having money left over after all the bills are paid.
Eternal growth is a myth that needs to die- and soon. If it does not, this country will collapse- if it hasn’t already. Human lives have stages: childhood, experimentation, acquisition, and maintenance. Or, they should have if the person isn’t poisoned by the cultural imperatives imposed upon them to Buy More Stuff. I Bought More Stuff until I realized that more was not better, and that I really did not need most of the things that were carefully crafted to be attractive to me. I learned how to ‘read’ stores, and peek behind the curtain at the sharply applied psychoanalysis that made things difficult to resist. Watching things like “The Persuaders” or reading “Adbusters” made me see the corporate world in a whole new way. I learned to tell when I was being marketed to, and how to resist it.
As a result, I actually found myself divesting many things. I only purchase something new after a lot of homework, and careful shopping. If I can get it on sale or second-hand, that’s a triumph. I do not have to -own- things- I can borrow, or rent them. I don’t need more things- I am happier with less.
Depression led me to a bout of hoarding, which I addressed when I finally bought my home. I divested myself of many, many things. And I am still paring down. While I’ll never be able to put all my worldly things into the trunk of my car, I will have emptied my life of the weight of things I no longer need or want. I have found my center in doing so, and with it, quiet contentment.
Perhaps this should be the way of more people. Learning to be happy with the things they have, learning how to maintain an even keel, not constantly climbing and grasping at goals that are no longer there. There is nothing wrong with maintaining an even keel, living within one’s means, or making do. In fact, I’ve discovered that there are benefits to doing these things- like lower blood pressure, easier sleep, and a calmer demeanor. More is not better. You still have to pay for it.
This principle can be upscaled. In fact, if anything truly must grow during the remainder of this decade, it’s the idea that constant, unlimited economic growth is an untenable myth. And if we don’t reign ourselves in, we will collapse from the hollow economy we’re already creating. Even the richest among us have limits.
There are signs here and there that people are seeing the light and heeding the advice of the ‘canary’ economists. Urban in-fill and re-purposing of abandoned big-box stores is one example. Pop-up seasonal shops are another. The sudden spike in prices for used cars. The ‘locovore’ movement. The beginnings of appreciation for small batch, hand-crafted goods and services, and not just by the wealthy. But it’s like turning a battleship around- it’ll take time for it to truly catch on.
And, for once, I am on the leading edge of things, rather than a bystander watching the herd thundering by. This is a good thing.
Late bloomers and Aspergers
Some of my friends and I were discussing an article I found about ‘essential life skills’ of today’s college students. It seems that many parents so coddle their kids that they have never learned essential things like basic housekeeping, cooking, car maintenance, financial smarts, and similar things. They are launching chicks that cannot fly, or- to be more concise: incompetent young adults. Parents: don’t coddle your kids. Let them screw up, let them fail, and let them learn how to cook a real meal from scratch. Please.
I have to give it to my own parents- they did a good job of teaching me how to cook, clean, maintain vehicles, do laundry and other chores, and learn from my mistakes. I do wish they’d taught me more about money- perhaps I would not have made the mistakes I did- but that’s in the past. I know about money now, and am reaping the results of my reading and applying pointers from those ‘automatic millionaire’ books a decade ago. (I am nowhere near being a millionaire, though.)
But I digress. One thing I did not get taught- and this was through no fault of my parents- was how to interact with other people.
It is clear to me now, in reading my journals and thinking about the mistakes I made and my perception of things both then and now- that I have Aspergers Syndrome. To look at me today, you would not be able to tell me from a nypical (John Elder Robinson’s word for neurotypical people) unless you know where and how to look. I’ve schooled my walk, my voice, my interactive ‘scripts’ with years of practice. I can pass for normal- for the most part.
But when I was younger, I had a giant blind-spot where other people were concerned. I ran rings around them intellectually, but was a total failure socially. To me, they all looked, sounded, and acted alike, and for most of my youth and early adulthood, it was like living on an alien planet, full of human-like people with bizarre habits and languages I could not understand. They asked me stupid questions. They always got in my way. They talked about boring things that made no sense to me- other people and what they were doing, mostly. They never wanted to talk about ideas- they didn’t care about science, technology, electronics, or other universes, or whether ‘psychics’ were real or fake. They liked things called ‘parties’, which, for me- were noisy, confusing, overwhelming things full of light, noise, and more noise. I avoided them like the plague. They also liked to have sex with anyone with a pulse, and I often found myself targeted by males using the most bizarre means to try to get me to do what?!? with them. I always refused- such things did not interest me. My female relatives, roommates and acquaintances tried to ‘girl me up’ to no avail- I hated all the trappings of femininity- the scratchy undergarments, the painful, unstable shoes, the bizarre clothing that exposed way too much of my skin, the sticky, stinky, goopy makeup, the icky hairspray… I was, and still am- comfortable in plain, modest, practical clothing and footwear with minimal makeup.
Because of my inability to ‘read’ people or pick up the context of interaction, I suffered through several major setbacks in my life and career in my twenties and very early thirties. It took a devastating setback, followed by nearly a decade of depression (and a second, financial near-crash) to get me to try to troubleshoot and solve what was ‘wrong’ with me.
And to be honest, I am still not sure that anything was actually wrong beyond an obvious failure to grasp what was obvious to ‘nypical’ people, but totally incomprehensible to me. Perhaps if some of the nuances of human social interaction had been explained and made obvious to me manually (psychological and sociological books with those subjects were not common back then), I might have fared better. I did do an in-depth study of human psychology and social interaction as these books started appearing in the popular press- and learned tons. And I also found a role-model who had a reasonable method of dealing with being on the ‘wrong planet’- Mr. Spock. And something else also happened- something that perhaps all these Aspergers ‘experts’ have not yet cottoned onto because they are nypical: My mind matured. Our (Aspie) brains mature more slowly- at least, they make connections at a slower pace, because they are so complex. Because of that, it took me another decade to ‘see’ all these previously hidden social interactions between people that nypical people see much earlier on. My whole life has been informed by this insight, and now I am much more successful at interacting with others. In this place, the so-called ‘experts’ are as blind to us as we are to their way of doing things.
Not to say that I like it, or am really good at it. Things (events and interactions) still fly around at speeds that are difficult to parse, because I rely on manually parsing things, which slows down my ability to contextualize events. While I know most of the patterns of interaction, I still have to find and recognize those patterns before I can peruse them. It’s easier to do, but I still have to do it.
I still have sensory and sensitivity issues, and in some ways, they are afflicting me more than ever. I have coping mechanisms- mostly through what I call ‘catch-and-release’ mental exercises that help me deal with them. But my whole stride can be thrown off by a stray annoying noise, an itchy tag, a smell, or something that I can’t batten down. I find myself getting annoyed to the point of rage sometimes- making me have to abruptly walk away from certain situations, which puzzles others. I’ve learned to accommodate my differences instead of fighting them, and for the most part, no one is the wiser. I still get more information from the edges than the center, and my intuitive leaps still totally confound my colleagues. But they delight my users, who tend to end up with a working computer after I leave.
I learned from my mistakes. I sometimes realize that their cumulative damage set me back 20 years, but I have recovered well. My ability to make those leaps of intuitive insight, read patterns, be steadfast and not panic when things melt down, create a plan and stick with it- have all paid off handsomely. I am no longer afraid of a blind misstep that will totally annihilate my life, home, and world. I’ve been there and done that- and know the warning signs. I am just glad that I did not have to deal with a family and children during those awful times- I was only responsible for myself.
On that front, I have chosen a solitary life with a supportive circle of friends over having a mate and children. Some of that reticence stems from horrific things that happened to me as a child and young adult- and to be honest, I am not sure that I could ever again deal with another person living in my house (guests are OK, from time to time). Too many bad things happened when I was forced to do so in my younger days, and I know I spent lots of money that I could have saved while serving to have a private place to live and decompress. But it was money well-spent.
I am a classic late-bloomer. I sincerely believe my better days are ahead of me. Physically, I am in better shape than I have ever been, and emotionally, financially and otherwise, I am doing relatively well, too. I am so used to privation and very conservative living that these ‘hard’ times are not impacting me as hard as they are with others. I am used to doing without, delaying gratification, putting back, and saving up. I’ve learned to make things last, and when I do buy things, I will pay a little extra for higher quality things because experience has demonstrated that I get a huge return of investment for my expenditure.
I am relatively content.
My eroding rights
Happy Birthday, America. You’re looking pretty good, for the most part. But we need to talk.
I am a woman. My female ancestors fought hard for their rights to vote, hold office, acquire property (and debt), live independently, get reliable and legal contraception, and get paid fairly.
In the last century, we made great steps forward on many of these fronts. I am especially glad that I can purchase property and have full title to it without the permission or interference of either a husband or male relative. I am glad that I do not have to be married to own a home. My title even says that I am ‘an unmarried person’. And I am glad that I can still get contraception- even though the damn co-pay is punitively expensive- if I need it. I get paid almost as much as a guy in my field- but I am still not at equity. And it’s worse for women who chose to take a break to raise children. They’ll never catch up, salary wise. Funny- everything costs the same no matter what gender you are. Why is this?
Worse, of late, my rights as a sovereign human being (who happens to be female) have been steadily eroding- particularly in the reproductive front. I already mentioned the expensive (and often dangerous) contraceptive medicine. But were I to become pregnant in spite of taking precautions, terminating that pregnancy safely and without hassle is becoming harder to do. In fact, it’s impossible. Even the simple purchase of “Plan B” is fraught with difficulty- just try finding it.
Congress and state legislatures, which have been swarmed by regressive, gynophobic and misogynistic religious conservatives (some often campaigning in moderate sheeps’ clothing and hoisting the Jolly Roger after taking office!), are passing more and more regressive and punitive laws against women who have sex- and get pregnant. They’ve de-funded Planned Parenthood. They muffle sex education and family planning classes. They’re prohibiting the teaching of the abortion procedures in federally funded medical schools. They create onerous regulations that hinder and bind the few clinics that provide abortion services. They make the woman jump through increasingly absurd hoops to get treated- including long (and for many, expensive) waiting periods, mandated reporting and legally required sonograms, and misdirection to religiously funded fake ‘clinics’ that try to convince her to bring the pregnancy to term. In short, they have turned having sex into an act- that if the woman becomes pregnant- that is now expensively punitive.
It isn’t just reproductive rights that are being eroded. Our civil rights are being steadily erased, also. The decision of the Supreme Court not to take on the Wal-Mart sexual discrimination class-action suit is one of many cases in point. And we still cannot get legally binding equal pay or any decent sort of maternity (or paternity) leave.
We pay more for many things- including medical care. We do the majority of child-care, and hold the majority of low-paying jobs. Yes, we’re past equity in college education- but at what price? Young women mortgaging their future on the hopes of getting a job that pays almost as much as that of a man, and possibly being passed over for promotion without any hope of recourse against obvious bias?
That isn’t right, America.
The exceptionalists like to call us a ‘beacon on a hill’, but more and more, that beacon is dimming. We’re coasting on a steadily eroding reputation and self-image. For the first time in our history, our children will not live longer than we will. Our daughters might wake up one day in a country that is not too far off from Margaret Atwood’s “The Handmaid’s Tale”.
Is that what we want? I sure don’t. There should be some sort of means to prohibit regressive legislation. Any law -federal or state- that takes away rights from ordinary, law-abiding citizens – like half the population of this country- should be repealed, stricken, or otherwise removed from the books.
We must turn this trend around- while we still can. Consider this- we are only as ‘great’ as those who are considered ‘least’ among us. Here, this means women- no matter how powerful they are. I don’t know about you, but I am very tired of being a second-class citizen in this country. I am tired of being ‘less’ than any male. I am tried of being patronized, legislated against, paid less, but made to pay more, hassled, ignored, and swept aside.
Women make up 50.9% of the US population. Is it right for half the population of any nation to be repressed?
I didn’t think so. Let’s fix this.
Are credit scores extending the recession?
Have you ever been denied a job, promotion, or insurance because of your credit score? Then you’ll want to read these articles in their entirety- because this is a sneaky, pernicious thing that is happening to our lives. I believe that it is part of the reason we’re still stuck in this horrible depressive recession, and will be, indefinitely.
A bipartisan enemy of the people This is a very insightful post by The Slactivist on how damaging those credit bureaus truly are. His thoughts on the whole ‘partisan’ angle are noteworthy, too.
This is not a partisan issue. Credit scores and their expanding, usurping application in every area of life are not an expression of either liberal or conservative ideas. Neither liberal nor conservative ideology offers reasons to defend this expanding, freedom-restricting practice. Both liberal and conservative ideology offer powerful reasons that this practice should not be allowed to control as much of our economy and our individual lives as it does.
Reigning in the pernicious influence of the credit scoring agencies ought to be near the top of any progressive agenda because it makes life even worse for the poorest, for minorities, for the powerless. And it ought to be near the top of any “tea party” type agenda because if you’re genuinely concerned about “the road to serfdom,” then it would be hard not to notice that for most Americans, most of the time, Equifax, Experian and TransUnion are doing more to promote serfdom than even the worst caricature of the IRS or the EPA.
We did not elect these credit agencies to rule over us. They were not established in our Constitution as a fourth, unchecked branch of government. Yet in our capacities as consumers or merchants, as employees or employers, they exert more influence and restrict our freedom far more than anything done by the mayors or councils of our towns, more than anything done by the governors and legislatures of our states. Most days more even than anything done by the Congress or the president. And while the Congress, president, governors, legislatures, mayors and councils are all — at least theoretically — democratically accountable and legally prevented from abusing their powers, the credit scoring agencies are not. [emphasis mine]
Think about that. A corporate entity- one that is byzantine and inaccessible (try getting an actual person on one of their contact lines and getting something done!) has more power than our elected layers of government. Your Senator can’t use his influence to correct an error on your credit report- and unless he’s on that VIP list, (which he or she probably is), they can’t, either. And it takes extreme effort- and often interaction with an expensive lawyer- to get real corrections done -if you can afford it.
The Prospect’s Amy Traub goes into detail about the devastating effects on people’s employment prospects because of a low credit score:
Companies justify the credit checks by saying they need some way to assess a job applicant’s reliability and character. Credit checks have been aggressively marketed to employers by for-profit credit bureaus to do just that. Yet it’s far from clear that running credit checks benefits employers. The only available rigorous study of employment credit checks concluded that there’s no correlation between credit history and job performance. Even industry representatives admit this. Eric Rosenberg, Director of State Governmental Relations for TransUnion, one of the three major credit reporting agencies, conceded: “…we don’t have any research to show any statistical correlation between what’s in somebody’s credit report and their job performance or their likelihood to commit fraud.”
At the same time, employers may be exposing themselves to unexpected legal liability. African Americans and Hispanics – likely due to a variety of factors like higher poverty and unemployment rates, fewer assets, and a legacy of discrimination, including lending industry practices such as redlining—are disproportionately likely to have low credit scores. That means that excluding job candidates based on credit history disproportionately screens out people of color. The potential for bias is magnified by the fact that there are no accepted metrics for employers to assess a job applicant’s credit report. Decisions are open to individual discretion and inadvertent bias.
No accepted metrics. We’re in a country that measures everything and yet, there are no metrics that truly measure patterns of character versus spending habits. Should ‘character’ even be a factor? It truly is a catch-22 situation. You can’t get a job because your credit score is ‘bad’, and your credit score is ‘bad’ because you can’t get a job. But it does not reflect the reality of the situation. Deadbeats exist at all walks of life, but there is a belief that poor people are deadbeats by default. Mitigating circumstances- like the ones I went through when I was impoverished- do not get a look in. In fact, they are often seen as whiny excuses- so what if your check bounced because they didn’t enter them in order or in error, and you got a raft of overdraft and punitive fees from both your bank, their bank, and the company you tried to pay? So what if that left you over $100 short for your rent payment? Shaddup and take this 300% percent “payday” cash advance loan, and don’t try to weasel out of it and pay it off- because we’ll sneak in a fee that will make you underpay even if you thought you paid if off, and nail you for that. And if you try to call to get an EXACT amount owed, we’ll tell you that isn’t possible. You’ll have to overpay to pay it off, and hope that they’ll send you a check for the remainder- sans more fees for the inconvenience. It took me a decade to groom my credit score to a level that was considered ‘middle class’ after the nasty hit I took. Being responsible- and using a credit counseling service (CCCS) actually did more damage than a bankruptcy would have done- but I took the responsible path to pay back my creditors. But being poor cost me dearly. Poverty is extremely expensive.
The Slactivist agrees:
Credit scores provide a numeric — and therefore authoritative-sounding — pretense for charging poor people more than others are charged. For almost everything: rent, car insurance, auto loans, health insurance, you name it. The indispensable variables for credit scores are income and wealth. An irresponsible wealthy person who skips payments will have a lower score than a responsible wealthy person, and a responsible poor person will have a higher score than an irresponsible poor person — but responsibility, diligence and all those other virtues for which a credit score pretends to be a proxy are simply variables that qualify the core quantity of wealth and income. And that allows the credit scorers and their customers to pretend that poor people aren’t simply people with less wealth and lower income, but that they are all irresponsible, lazy and less moral, less worthy than those with higher “scores” due to greater wealth.[emphasis mine]
Think about that for a moment: the amount of wealth you have automatically makes you more ‘moral’ and ‘worthy’ than your actual character and actions. This is one of the most amazing misinterpretations of character imaginable, but it seems to be part of the cultural fabric- consider those churches that equate wealth with righteousness. If you’re rich, it’s because God loves you. If you’re poor, it’s because you are a miserable sinner, and God is punishing you. Really? In my experience, real wealth comes from two main sources: luck (like being in the pre-boomer generational ‘sweet spot’ as my father was- he started work in ’47 and retired in ’77- the peak years of middle class earning power) and hard work, or overt power-seeking and deliberate competitive avarice – or a combination of these two factors.
The state laws that try to correct this inequity are spotty, and often have loopholes in them that still unfairly attack segments of the population. But there is hope on the horizon:
Stronger legislation is on tap at the federal level, where the Equal Employment for All Act sponsored by Representative Steve Cohen would ban employment-related credit checks except in narrow circumstances, such as positions requiring national security clearance. But with 32 exclusively Democratic co-sponsors, the bill is stuck in the Committee on Financial Services and stands little chance in the Republican-controlled House. [emphasis mine]
Ultimately litigation, like the suit against Kaplan, may have an even greater impact on employer behavior than exemption-riddled state laws. If high-profile employers are forced to pay costly damages for the racially discriminatory impact of screening potential employees’ credit histories, other companies will take notice. The fear of expensive litigation and the attendant public relations fallout may be what it takes to make employers reevaluate hiring practices.
This is something worth studying and taking to your congressman and senator- on both the federal and state levels. Hitting the offenders in the pocketbook- including the obstructive Republicans who are dead-set against doing anything that might benefit the Rest of Us (those of us who are not mega-rich, TrueBeliever™ (white) male, corporations) may be the only way to get this corrected. I sincerely believe that this wretched policy is one of the roadblocks in the path of economic recovery, and sadly, I believe that it is deliberately placed. Regulating and restructuring the credit bureaus, banks, and other entities which are outside the direct purview of the government is necessary if we’re going to recover from this tail-spin and get our country and economic parity back. Educating people on What’s Really Going On is another step to take. Yes, this is a baroque and Byzantine mess- but it can be untangled, and we can get our power back from these greedy, faceless entities. If maintaining the ‘status quo’ becomes costly enough, perhaps they will change.
Altissimo
Absolutely stunning time-lapse video- with a wonderful soundtrack to accompany it. Watch it full screen for the best experience.
Review: “Be Different”
Be Different: Adventures of a Free-Range Aspergian is a book I wish I had gotten when I was a bewildered teen with undiagnosed Aspergers. In this book, writer John Elder Robison (“Look Me In The Eye”) writes what is essentially the Missing Manual for people with Aspergers trying to make sense of the ‘nypical’ world.
While its advice is mostly aimed at younger people, many of the experiences Robison relates in his stories echo my own, almost eerily. His style of writing is breezy and laid back, alternating cringe making things with insightful and often humorous stories. If there was any doubt that people with Aspergers sometimes feel like we live on the ‘wrong planet’, Robison is right there with us. He explains how the Aspergian quirks stand out in a sometimes confusing and conflicting world; and does so in a way that makes sense to those of us who have many of the same sensitivities. I itched along with his description of annoying clothing tags. I understood his bewilderment in parties where other boys could talk to girls, but he could not. And I truly understood his thrilling discovery of the dancing lights in the amplifier tubes. (I was the same way with stereo equipment.) And I felt the same shift in focus in large groups- apprehension and fear when I did not have a task to do in a large crowd- confidence and ease when I did. (more…)
Random Cool Stuff
First, go check this out:
You’ll want to have as fresh a browser as possible- Firefox 4, Chrome or Safari- to take advantage of all the wonderful goodies this page is going to serve up.
Wasn’t that totally cool? I really liked it- for about a zillion reasons- one of which was that it showed- in a wonderfully visualized manner- what goes on ‘behind the curtain’ of a mashup. You can see the timeline with all the various parts arrayed upon it. You could select a slice and identify it. You can see how they play, and what parts are dominant- and the circular playback area is nicely divided between three broad frequencies. The concentric rings fly in and vanish as their parts start and finish. It is a wonderful example of meta-data in action- a refreshing way to see all the parts in motion. And the song was cool, too.
If you want to know more about it, the creator of this site, The Man In Blue (Cameron Adams), goes into a little technical detail on how he created it. I don’t know what’s in the water down in OZ, but they seem to produce more than their share of coding and musical geniuses (like Nick Bertke, aka PogoMix, who creates brilliant musical remixes using audio elements from movie soundtracks and the environment).
I sometimes feel like I was born 20 years too late- because I did not cut my teeth on stuff like this, and learning it is not as easy as HTML 1.0 was. Still, it inspires me to continue to create, and learn, and strive.
Climbing the Tower of Wrath
This post by Tammy Camp got my attention:
http://www.tammycamp.com/2011/05/21/how-i-deal-with-sexual-discrimination-in-a-positive-way.html
She’d been banned from a conference because she refused to sleep with the organizer. Worse, this had happened more than once that year. She’s created a ‘Self Respect Speech’ that she’s used to pick herself up, and soldier on after each incident:
1. Life is too short to be consumed by any hint of negativity.
2. If it is a negative experience, immediately leave. You control your environment.
3. Surround yourself with love and positiveness.
4. We have all experienced injustices in our life. Choose to overcome them.
5. The path you’ve chosen isn’t an easy one. Sometimes you have to be torn down in order to lay a new foundation.
6. Never speak ill of the wrong or negative person. It takes you down to their level.
7. Take the high road.
8. Learn from this experience.
9. Take a deep breath. If no one died, all will be okay.
10. Happiness is a choice. Happiness is contagious, so start now.
11. Do it for yourself and do it better.
It’s an interesting and laudable list, but there are many things wrong with it. I did not want to cause Dramah! on her blog, so, I post my rebuttals to her list here:
1.Negativity is part of life- and has to be faced head-on, or it will fester and consume one’s life. Anger -properly focused anger- is a way to burn away that negativity, release the energy- and realign the equilibrium.
2. Sometimes walking away is the wisest choice. But not always. Sometimes it simply continues the negative situation, and permits it to fester. It can be both empowering and dis-empowering- if you walk away in certain situations, the aggressor wins by default. If you stand up for yourself- even if it’s just a two-word riposte, it takes them down a notch.
3. ‘Love and positiveness’ only go far in a continually toxic environment. You must address the toxicity- clean up the darkness, then permit love and positivity to regrow. The weeds MUST be pulled, the boil MUST be lanced and drained, or the infection and darkness will spread and ultimately consume you.
4. This is true. But if it happens over and over again, a negative patina builds upon you, actually turning you into a target. Just like spring cleaning, that patina needs to be cleared away in order for you to truly shine.
5. Over and over again? If I get ‘torn down’, I find something else to do- but if it’s your CALLING, you may have to actually get angry and burn away that crust of timidity and negativity that enshrouds you. Even if it’s just a private post in a private blog, or a good chat with TRUSTED friends, it must be done.
6. I disagree with this one. Predators are predators. Psychopaths and sociopaths are known by their actions. Take them OUT- take their power away! Expose them, out them for the monsters they are, and crush them. They aren’t hesitating to crush YOU. They don’t care about how YOU feel- they simply see you as their next target, their next meal, their next bedpost notch. You are not human to them. Nuke them from orbit- but do it in a powerful, PROFESSIONAL and DIRECT way. Predators will continue to happily prey and walk all over us unless we make their lives difficult. Make that phrase ‘you’ll never work in [this industry] again’ a reality and make it STICK. OUT them and ROUT them.
7. See #6. This IS the high road. You are making it easier for those behind you to flourish. You are empowering yourself and others. You are removing predators from the picture.
8. Do not be afraid to be angry. It is a survival mechanism. USE IT. Use your anger as a tool of empowerment. When you are on the Tower of Wrath, see the clear view. Let anger be a motivator, let it lend clarity to your thoughts and actions. Let it cleanse you and empower you. Do not let it control you, though- anger is a TOOL, and a powerful weapon. But YOU wield it- it does NOT wield YOU. Remember this- this is often the fatal error people make.
9. This is really silly. Maybe nobody ‘died’, but it still isn’t OK. Is that emotion just an illusion? Are you angry, embarrassed, ashamed for NO REASON? Are you having a girly fit of the vapors? Really? No, you’re not. You’re pissed off, for real. Take a breath, yes, then climb that tower, and let them have it.
10. Yes, it is. And if you choose to yield to bullies and predators, your happiness will be fleeting and shallow.
11. Nuke them from orbit. Don’t let them ruin your day or your life. Give them a taste of their own medicine. They might actually learn from it. Sometimes you HAVE TO KICK ASS. Thoroughly, completely, mercilessly, totally. You weed your garden. You swat mosquitoes. You bark at your family. You remove the trash from your house. Do you feel bad about that? Yes, kindness is a virtue, but some people DO NOT GET kindness- they see it as permission to continue to make your life miserable. Sometimes this is unconscious, and they are just naive and ill-mannered, and a sharp correction will repair it. But sometimes, it is a deliberate, pathological machination to make you miserable or ‘put you in your place’ if you are perceived to be somehow inferior.
People fear anger- especially female anger. Women have been taught to ‘be nice’ for so damn long that it is corroding our very souls. It is time to be kind, rather than nice. ‘Nice’ is walking away, and permitting the adversary to triumph and believe they’re right; permitting them to steal your self-respect and energy, collapse your happiness, and puncture your self-esteem. Kindness is that short, sharp corrective shock that redirects the stolen energy and self-respect back to you. It is time to face anger, and get acquainted with it. It is a very powerful, vivid and visceral emotion, and people do awful things when they are angry. It is scary, because it lights you up from inside with an incredible fire. But, if it is properly understood, embraced, focused, and utilized, anger is one of the most powerful, cleansing, and empowering tools- and weapons- in your arsenal. As a tool, it can cut away the withering effects of negativity. As a weapon, it can devastate an adversary, and make them think twice about ever screwing with you again. There is Light that goes with that fire. Properly directed and focused, it burns away the dross of complacency. It gives you clarity and insight. It points you straight at means to solve the problem.
We have to stand up for ourselves. And once we learn to do that in an empowering way, we can help others do the same thing.
